there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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