Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
