So drunk its hurt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
