You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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