You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
