Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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