After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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