this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize