I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
