I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
