i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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