Soap is not a condiment
I can text with my tongue
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
