I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
