I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's the barista slut.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
