I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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