So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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