oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
