So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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