dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
