Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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