I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
