i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
