I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
