You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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