what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
