I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize