I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
