You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Congratulations! We have a period
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