i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
