I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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