i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
