No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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