So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
