not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
