you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i have herpe
just one?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
