the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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