Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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