I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
