In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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