I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
