wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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