this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
