I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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