Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
