So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
