who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
