he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
