I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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