I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
