Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
