I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
