i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Randomize
