Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My cat gives me a boner
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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