Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
