Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
