dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
