I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
