i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
