Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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