Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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