i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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