i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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