Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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