I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
