I like my sex mixed with concussions.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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