TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
