no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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