There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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