i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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