I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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