Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
