I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're like the curious george of whores
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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