standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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