So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
