On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
