Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize