When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize