Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
