I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
